By Teresa Busto, Psy.D.
According to Dr. David Burns, a researcher and author in the
mental health field, everyone experiences unreasonable and/or irrational
thoughts from time-to-time. Even children. For example: Let’s say your son
receives a low score on a test. He believes that he got the worst grade in
class and that he’s “the dumbest kid in school.” These thoughts cause him to
feel sad, and he puts his head down on his desk and hardly pays attention the
rest of the day.
What
if instead your son thought, “Well, I
didn’t do well this time, so next time, I’ll study harder.” Now
he feels hopeful and determined, which may lend itself to his participating
more in class.
What
changed? Well, in the latter scenario, your son thought in a more reasonable,
objective manner, which is how we all hope our children process and respond to tough
situations. But how do we get our children to think in this way?
Using Cognitive Behavioral Principles
With
a basic understanding of cognitive behavioral principles, you can teach your
child how to process uncomfortable situations at school, at home and on the
playground. And not after the fact, but before they even happen.
Cognitive
behavioral principles suggest that thoughts, feelings and behaviors are
connected—that when a situation is interpreted in a subjective, one-sided
manner, it can create negative/unhelpful feelings or thoughts. These thoughts
can manifest in a variety of ways, but here are two common negative/unhelpful
thoughts a person may have:
- Blaming – taking all of the blame or
taking none of the blame. For example: Thinking a football team lost
because of you.
- Overgeneralization – drawing conclusions based on
a single event. For example, if one of your friends doesn’t say hi to you
on your way to class, even though many others did, you conclude that no
one likes you.
Let’s
go back to your son and his bad grade. How can a parent or caregiver use
cognitive behavioral principles in that scenario to help him better process the
situation?
- Validate your child’s feelings. When children are upset, it’s
difficult to appeal to them. Understanding and acknowledging their
emotions is your first line of defense in getting them to be receptive to
your support.
- Name the unhelpful thought. In this scenario, the irrational
assumption is that your son believes that he got the worst grade in the
class without having evidence to support this.
- Ask questions. For example: Did you do all your
homework? Did you study? Did you go for extra help? Did you get plenty of
rest the night before? Even if you already know the answers to these
questions, it’s helping their thought pattern.
- Guide them towards a more
realistic thought.
If your son had mixed answers to your questions, help him understand that
he can learn from this. His realistic thought could be: “I didn’t do well
on the test, but I know what to now do next time.” Your child is more
likely to feel more hopeful and determined.
- Reinforce productive
thinking. Teach
your child how to identify irrational thoughts perhaps by telling them
when you’ve had
irrational thoughts and describe how you replaced them. There are also
many programs online created by licensed mental
health providers that teach how to think more productively. It also may be
beneficial to consult with a therapist who can offer added support and
guidance.
Helping
children become aware of unhelpful thoughts and then challenging them will not
happen overnight. And some children may have difficulty letting go of their
unhelpful thoughts. It’s something you should consistently teach over time. But
once they gain this skill, it will help them feel good and think productively
when negative emotions arise.
Remember:
You’re just a thought away from changing your day!
No comments:
Post a Comment