“The stigma around mental
health means that many children do not get the help that they so badly need. We
need to help young people and their parents understand that it’s not a sign of weakness
to ask for help.”.....Kate Middleton (The Duchess of Cambridge)
Children face many obstacles as
they grow up, and they all experience things like stress, grief, and bullying
in their own ways. It can be difficult to know when your child can work through
something independently and when she might need the help of an expert. In my
practice, parents often wait as long as they possibly can before seeking
therapy for their child. If your child breaks her wrist, it’s clear that you
need to get her to the hospital right away. But, what to do if she’s showing
symptoms of anxiety and depression is much less straightforward.
The good news: There’s plenty of help
out there for children who need it. Kids as young as age 4 years can benefit
from therapy, especially if you notice any of these red flags:
1. He’s having difficulties at
home, in school, and beyond.
When a child is struggling with his emotions, he tends to behave badly across
the board — say, by talking back to his teacher at school, hitting his
siblings, and not listening to his coach.
2. She’s suddenly isolating
herself from friends. Friendships
change over time and some kids enjoy larger peer groups than others, but if
she’s avoiding friends it’s a red flag. Be on the lookout for statements such
as, “Everyone hates me” or “I’m a loser” or “I have no friends.”
3. He’s regressing. Here’s the thing: Kids tend to regress
when there’s a major change in their lives, such as the birth of a new sibling,
a move, or a divorce between their parents. But, things like bedwetting, clingy
behaviour, whining, excessive fearfulness, and tantrums that aren’t related to
a change (or these behaviours are happening for more than a month after a big
change) signal a problem.
4. She’s incredibly sad and
worried. All kids have
worries at times and all kids cry. That’s part of childhood. But, worrying
isn’t normal if it’s interfering with her ability to go to school or take care
of herself.
5. His sleep habits and/or
appetite have changed. Worrisome
symptoms include trouble falling or staying asleep, nightmares, eating too much
or too little, and excessive headaches and stomach-aches.
6. She’s developed
self-destructive behaviours. This
can be a difficult one, because sometimes kids do bang their heads against
things without intent to harm themselves. Repeated self-destructive behaviour,
however, is an issue–like, if she’s digging her nails into skin to try to cause
pain, or cutting or hitting herself.
7. He talks about death, or thinks about it
repeatedly. It’s normal if he talks about dying and how he might die as he
explores the concept of death, but repeated talk about death and dying is a red
flag. Watch out for statements about suicide (in kid language, of course)
or killing others. Any talk about suicide or killing another person requires
the help of an expert …immediately.
At the end of the day, you know your
child the best. You have to trust your gut. If you feel like something isn’t
right and your child is struggling, you’re probably right. Also? Many children
play out their feelings and/or express their feelings through art. Pay close
attention to art and play for a glimpse into your child’s emotions.
Never be afraid to make that first phone
call to find a child psychotherapist/counsellor in your area. Your child, and
your whole family, will be better for it.
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